Friday, October 28, 2005

Diseases and I - Final Part!

Ok - first of all - I would like to thank each and everyone of you for your concern and wonderful tips. Thanks a lot. Second - as I said - my only problem is my stupid migraine and nothing else :) - I am just bit over cautious with diseases since I have seen my father suffering from my childhood days! So I am very cautious about diseases. As of now I am fit as fiddle or as Aatma says my Sarath body is still intact :P - lol

Ok - the reason why I started the previous topic was I wanted to write the following topic, a topic that has been in my mind for such a long time which I wanted to share with you all.

God has kindly given me everything in this life from great family especially my divine mother, health, money, education etc - but I am always sad within me! Why?

"Vaadiya Payirai Parukum Pothellam Naanum Vaadinen" - these were the famous words of Saint Vallalar.

These words are the only cause of my sorrow! Whenever I see a sick person, I feel sad. Whenever I see someone not happy, I feel sad. Whenever I see death, I am sad. Whenever someone around me is depressed, I get depressed. Whenever someone tells me about their sorrows, I am immersed in sorrow! When someone else suffers, I suffer!

That is one reason why I can never be next to a sick person. Even when my mother had some minor operations - I was not next to her! Since I cant see her suffering! I still feel guilty that I have not been with my mother when she suffered. But I really dont have the mental strength to see my mother or someone suffering! I really cant take it! So whenever I see my father suffer, I am feeling the pain he is undergoing.

That is why I have decided that - if I get a disease in the future and if I am married - I will make sure my wife and children (if any) are financially stable and I would leave them and go to my final destination - to my Divine Father Lord Arunachala in Tiruvanamalai. I do not want anyone to see me nor be next to me! I dont want others to undergo the suffering that I am going through!

That is why I never go to any marriages, parties, or any place where people enjoy their lives! Since whenever I see people being happy, I wonder how can people be enjoying their lives when you have people suffering! My mother thinks I am quite wierd and she always warns me not to become another Buddha! I wish I could be a Buddha!

The question I wanted to ask was - how can someone be detached when he sees people around him suffering? Why did Saint Vallalar say those famous words?


At October 28, 2005 8:14 AM, Blogger Sumonk said...

Wonderful question.
First of all, God created u to eliminate suffering in the rest of the world. He created YOU to come forward and courageously see if there is some positive difference you can make in this world.

I agree with you. I used to also feel bad in the beginning, but I realised, no one is responsible for other's suffering. The best u can do when others are suffering is, give them a helping hand. If some one is physically disabled -give them assistance, monteraily going through shit- raise funds for them, suffering from loss of loved ones- give a shoulder to them, so that they can cry it out.

In every case of suffering, the best thing u can do as a human is "Be there for the one who is suffering". every one goes throuhg suffering in different forms at different stages of life, based on past births, based on choices, based on their karmas and whatever...No answers for "WHY" they suffer. But what is it that u can do, Provide a support system.

If Mother Theresa had ran away like you from the suffering, today we would not have the home in Calcutta.

The best thing u can ever possibly do in this world is "Service" with no expetcations. Let it be friends, families, outsiders.

You need to first take away attachment from the seen, My question is "If u r so much attached to them, if you love them so much, Then go do something about it." Dont crib and cry. Stand up and be a supporting wall for them.

You came alone into this world, you will leave alone., Our parents existed before we were born, we will exist afetr they leave. All this is a natural phenomenon. People come and go, People fall and rise, People suffer and enjoy. They are all nature's laws. Wwe cannot defy them, At the same time Nature had given u as a Human immense strenght and energy to give back something to the people in need.

Start going to a local hospital and register for a volunteer service program there. You will cme back an tell me how amazing the happiness you get from that. Go sit next to a child in the hospital who had gone through a surgery and tell her a joke, a rhyme, a small motivating story, see the smile in the girl.

Go to an old lady who lost everything and give her a hug and take her for an icecream, see the immense joy u and she derives out of it.

Go to Hospital and give a Bouquet of flowers to some one whom u do not even know who had come out of an accident, u will be shokced to see the joy they derive and the happiness you will gain.

You do not have to become Budha and sit in a corner under a tree. Instead lift your ASS off ur seat and make a difference in the world. Atleast if u can bring smile in 10 people who are suffering, you have attained the path of God, you have attained whatever it is , Heaven, Bliss, Nirvana, The divine,blah... blah...

Gods are in all of us, Not somewhere outside in a rock or a temple or a church or mosque. They become Gods by virtue of their deeds, They became saints by virture of thier actions. They were not bron Gods, They were not born Angels. We can make Angels and Gods out of ourselves.

:-) Again sorry if I was little harsh, but that is the Truth and Reality. Have u ever seen Mother Theresa closely, There is divine spark when she touches you with her palm.

From my point of view "She is a Goddess". Infact Pray her everyday or many more people in this world, who are making a difference in the lives of people who are suffering.

Your Mom would have forgotten all her pain, if you had taken a bunch of roses and kissed her.

BTW, Let me know when ur going through suffering, wherever I am in the world from today on, "I AM THERE FOR YOU". I will be at ur service. Don't hide in some bunker in IRAQ:-)

with best wishes

At October 28, 2005 8:18 AM, Blogger Sumonk said...

BTW, Arjuna, Can u translate those words into English please, I do not undertsand Tamil.

"Vaadiya Payirai Parukum Pothellam Naanum Vaadinen"


At October 28, 2005 8:33 AM, Blogger Sumonk said...

You said God had given u everything "my divine mother, health, money, education ". Then u better go use them for the benfit of the humanity, or else your Janma will be Waste:-)

Many times we all have mental blocks, but once u make the first step, God will give u the next 99 steps, to make a century. Rather than feeling Guilt about something, Go Do it. Then u will know.

I have numerous examples I can share. I trekked Himalayas this summer. I reached 14,000ft. At that height, the Oxygen levels started dropping, weather condtions very bad. I hardly had energy to take another step. I alwasy thought I did not have stamina to walk one KM properly. My friends and family were infact shocked when o told them I trekked 14000ft in 10 days.
There were points when I thought,"why the hell did I even chose to come for trek"

But then, one step I took, lead to many more steps. All the so called sportman friends of mine, and all Macho Macho guys are still at awe, that I did the trek. The hurdles are on our Mind, not outside.

The Liberation should come from within.

with best wishes

At October 28, 2005 11:40 AM, Blogger Parvati said...

@Arjuna: You shouldnt assume that your wife will also be like you. She might not suffer terribly when she sees her husband suffer from ill-health.

She might be a more balanced personality than your extreme self.

She might not be weak minded, nervous like you are about suffering.

She might have more common sense and just say :"He is not well; I shall do my best to make him ok", none of this running away to Arunachala stuff will interest her.

You should develop balance, total moderation in your personality, Arjuna.

Otherwise you will be wasting precious energy tilting at windmills, fighting imaginary demons.

How not to suffer with other people's suffering?

For everything you should just ask Lord Shiva and you will get everything from Him.

He will give you strong nerves, compassionate heart you already have, and He will change you in such a way that you will be able to express your compassion and sympathy for others when they suffer, not by running away from them WHEN THEY MOST NEED YOU, but by being a strong pillar of support and strength for them.

All this will happen if you simply tell Him your problems and just ask Him to change you.

Why cannot you be peaceful and calm, come what may? Why is it so difficult? If being like a still lake is a precondition for you to be able to remove all pain in the world, wont you do it?

Let it be a project for you - "I will not be disturbed by anything at all. I will pitch my wagon to Lord Shiva and be 'thatasth', unmoving like Him."

At October 28, 2005 12:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too feel miserable when others suffer..However I do not get tossed about emotionally as you seem to be. I have noticed this in all your are intensely emotional (I can be if I choose to) but not in control..please get in control and remain there (being a nice person is good and right but you run the risk of being exploited if you are too nice..therefore a balanced view is required).

I happened to check out some of the comments I missed on your posts...some clarifications
1. I am not an ISKCON follower - I disagree with them over several issues
2. I have painstakingly stated that I am a Visishtaadvaditin as far as Vedanta is concerned and a Srivasihnava by religion
3. I am not a bigot- I will not impose my deity on you
4. However I argue for Visishtaadvaita from a philosophical standpoint - if you concede the philosophical point and worship Shiva I have absolutely no issues (I am a liberal Vaishnava, I have my chosen ideal as Narayana, I see no reason to force my ideal on you or anyone else).
5. I am not arguing here for giving myself an ego-trip. such an endeavour is of least importance to me. I always argue only to establish that which is logical and reasonable.


At October 28, 2005 4:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have migraines too. My dad still has headaches that last long for two or three days..

See if any of these work for you
I still have migraines after following a few things but I know I can manage..

When I went to a doctor a specialist long time back with my mom to check on my headaches..he told me only one medication - Quit being a perfectionist all the time.

Some times some things unclean would make me tensed and get a head ache..some things at work..traffic..Instead of reacting in such scenarios..take 2 minutes time to make points in your mind on your steps instead of jumping into action.Relax then start working on it.

Even dreams would start it. My BP would go high and I will wake up with a headache...So before you go to sleep take
a minute to see something or think something of nature that is slow and relaxing..

Find out the culprit..I know coffee sometimes trigger it..Once you get a headache it reduces it..but normally if you take less and less coffee u get less migraines..Substitute coffee powder with more milk. Take tea..
Cheese and some fruits trigger it..
Soy sauce..chinese food with one of the causes..
Yogurt is good though. Eat healthy.

Sunlight..triggers it. wear goggles..Avoid direct sunlight..Dont squint..I avoid
flashing lights, video games..

Sometimes I get migraines when there is no fresh air. So when u know it is going to start..just drop whatever u are doing..Walk to a nearby place that is calm and get some fresh air (no cigar smoke). In the house if u heat it much in the night..the ache would start. So reduce the heat.

Drink lotsa water..cut down coke

And finally if you get it..then
if you find a quiet dark room..cover your eyes with a band..This is a must..There must be no light ..Take your usual tablets..Drink 2 glasses of water..
Do not lie down. Sit with a pillow on your back. Raise your head up...
Your eyes should be closed and pointing at ceiling...Think only about your heart beat..Kind of listen to it..You can feel the pain and slowly you can feel it
calm down..Then lie down once you feel sleepy..If you lie down initially your BP will be high and more blood flow will actually increase your migraine..

Cut down hours on TV and even monitors..If you cannot then
compensate this with nature..take a walk..or u must take some time for yourself..alone..

Dont wear head phones..Use cell phones a bit less. Continuous talking on phone gives me headache.. Put it on speaker..Talk when u work..

These might seem like a million things to start with..If any one of this things help ..Let me know..

If nothing works..lets keep telling everyone..
Very artistic people get migraines.. Perfectionists get it all the time..And lets be happy being one!!!

At October 28, 2005 5:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Vadiya payirai parkum bothellam vadinen...means

I Wither everytime I glance a Withering shrub...

It is the basic feeling of being humanistic...You feel
others pain..It does not even have to be a person..So you start feeling the pain of withering plant..

You would be a sadist if you are happy when you hear others sorrow and sad when you hear others joy...
Most of us are like this..but May be there is some percentage of that sadist behaviour in us we need
to work against..

Sorrow can change people..even people whom it does not affect even the watchers..

The sorrow of many civilians suffering in the war has changed some soldiers who fought the most cruel wars to start working on projects that promote peace..

Different ways we can answer..
My brother when he was little..he had lotsa bad luck..he got unexpected results in 12th grade..he was at home doing nothing for a year..he used to fall sick often..but he prayed daily..I wanted to find out what he prayed..He actually prayed this way..God I am planning well..I am doing my job..I am listening to everyone..I know I can do well if you dont put that bad spell on me..Please do not try to help me..
I felt so sad listening to him..But it was genuine..from his heart..And finally he is fine today..he was fine not going into depression thinking that God was casting a spell on him..

We humans we always need a reason.."why? why me? why my mom? why my dad?". If we all knew why
we would be peaceful..and we could accept..Our life is actually finding that out or accepting..

I guess you need not know 'why' but thinking on 'how' to manage the situation will bring you peace.

Most of the times if you believe in any religion we get angry on God when we do not know the 'why'.
So long time back I dropped the whole idea of reasoning and putting the blame on God..I today feel that some story is pre-written about me and I am playing the part of 'me'. There are no reasons..this is just a story..But I try to always take the story
in a peaceful way..There are forces pulling it in other ways..But I feel I need to make 'My play' and 'My role' the viewers..So once I started practising this..You are just an actor. Its not 'your' story. You are only trying to make someones story better..and you want to make dough at the same time make the viewers feel you did great..Well I guess I always want to be the hero..and sure everyone does..right.

At October 28, 2005 8:31 PM, Blogger Raju said...

"if I get a disease in the future and if I am married - I will make sure my wife and children (if any) are financially stable and I would leave them and go to my final destination "

For the sake of argument, what if your wife and/or child gets a disease? Can you accept them leaving you?

Ups and downs are there for everyone. Can you show anyone who hasnt seen any death so far? these things come and go but happiness should remain. One deserves to be happy b'cos he/she has worked hard towards it.. Suppose you were an idiot and failed in your class 10 exam, where would u have been? You have come up soo much in life.. Your achievements should make you happpy.. Be happy and spread it to everyone around u..

At October 29, 2005 2:13 AM, Blogger TJ said...

yappa Arjuna,
Budhdha renounced, then? found out that desire is the cause for disease. Then?
Why do you want to reinvent the wheel??
We have all the philosophies in front of us. Take it when it needs and understand the world. Then continue doing what is written as ur Karma.

At October 29, 2005 4:09 AM, Blogger Venky Krishnamoorthy said...

How can anybody describe Vallalar's realization. One has to be a realized soul to describe Vallalar's philosphy.

At October 29, 2005 4:37 AM, Blogger krishna said...

Dear pal Arjuna

First ,, give up ur fear for acquiring a disease from ur father..If somthings gotta happen , it will happen. Worrying will only upset ur state of mind. Things are happening not for u or for anyone else but for the Supreme one. Slowly unload ur problems on him. Hear and chant his naama whenever possible. Tell ur mind that theree is nothing greater than the glory of his lotus feet to think about. Keep telling this to ur mind a zillion times. slowly , ur attention will be directed towards him.

At the same time, I am able to sense yout concern for people in misery. I admire VazhaLArs attitude.

u said

--These words are the only cause of my sorrow"--

let me share something that i realized only few days back.. One day while I was taking a walk, i was struck by a thought. Actually, i was walking over a patch of grass. I asked to myselves "this lush patch of grass will definitely host more smaller forms of life like ants". Well, I wished that I could have walked on a concrete pavement so that i dont step over the poor little insects and from that day i am trying to avoid walking on grassy patches whenver possible . Even while walking on concrete grounds, i was surprised to find many ants criss-crossing the path. I thought by being careful, I can at least avoid stepping over some of them. Can't i do just this small thing for the sake of those helpless creatures?

I think, IF WE CAN REALLY AVOID things like these, we have to do that as part of our manodharma. This is just an example of how one could act according to the saying "Do no harm". Yet things will perish and grow. We can't do anything about that. Similarly, if u felt really bad about people around u suffering , offer ur help. If u really can't, then just pray god for them. Do or think nothing more. Talk to HIM. Direct ur sorrow towards HIM.

Identify and relate the same kind of sorrow we humans are experiencing on others suffering with that of other kinds of life. If u can avoid hurting any being by ur act, train ur mind to do so. Let ur mind be aware of the similar kinds of pain the poor insect or animal will face by ur act.

. Of course, plants have life too and the compassion of the saint who was struck by pain on seeing the dried up crops is boundless.

Jai Sri Raghuvara

At October 29, 2005 6:40 AM, Blogger Narayanan Venkitu said...

This is life my friend...sufferings are bound to be there.!! I know how it feels..I have thought like you..and I do think like you and worry a lot...I can't bear to see even a dog suffering ( several street dogs have died on my lap).

But this manidha vazhkkai is like that..Can't shrug away and run.!! WE need a strong willpower..!! and when time comes I am sure got will give it.!!

Imagine this - You are standing on the roadside..someone is crossing the road and needs help..! Won't you run and help.!! Will you turn away getting scared .! That is where the power comes. I think..

All MHO..!! Pardon me if I am wrong.!!

At October 29, 2005 11:10 AM, Blogger Jeevan said...

When we dint suffer for any body we are not a humanbeing. when every my parents worry, i also like to worry.

At October 29, 2005 3:30 PM, Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Sumon - thanks a lot for those beautiful comments - I am sorry for responding late - I found out the culprit for my migraine - its the computer! I have been sitting in front of it for such a long time - causing me those migraines :)..So I am trying to avoid it as much as I can now :)

"Instead lift your ASS off ur seat and make a difference in the world"

Wow - my ASS is going to change the world :)) - lol

"Vaadiya Payirai Parukum Pothellam Naanum Vaadinen"

Anon has provided the meaning - "I Wither everytime I glance a Withering shrub..."

"I have numerous examples I can share. I trekked Himalayas this summer. I reached 14,000ft"

Man - ur one helluva great guy :) - too good! I cant even climb 100 ft!

At October 29, 2005 3:31 PM, Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Parvati - thanks a lot :)

I am quite sure my Lord Arunachala would help me out of this as u have pointed out :) - thanks a lot again :)

At October 29, 2005 3:32 PM, Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Anand - yes again as I said - I guess all of us must argue more on to prove the very existence of GOD :)

At October 29, 2005 3:35 PM, Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Anon - WOW - thanks a lot for ur wonderful tips! It was nice of u :)..Please do let me know ur name when u comment the next time :) - thanks again for the tips :)

At October 29, 2005 3:36 PM, Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Raju - thanks a lot for ur comments :) - ur comments make sense to me :)

At October 29, 2005 3:37 PM, Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

TJ - u want me to become a Buddha??!!!! Yappa unga plan puriyuthu :P - lol

At October 29, 2005 3:38 PM, Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Venky - yes , very true :)

At October 29, 2005 3:47 PM, Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Dear Krishna - beautiful thoughts - absolutely wonderful! I am proud to have u as my friend :)

At October 29, 2005 3:47 PM, Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Narayanan sir - I completely agree with u :)

At October 29, 2005 3:48 PM, Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

jeevan - yes - ur right :)

At October 31, 2005 4:45 AM, Blogger visithra said...

Humm all this while i thought you were a sensible person.

First and foremost if you are born you will die. Diseases are part of life some by accident some by lifestyle, lets not even start on how viruses are mutating to stronger forms against existing medicines. Near sightness used to be uncommon, now nearly 3/4 of the world needs glasses. So it is inevitable that one will live a disease less life.

I understand the paranoidness you feel, but don't you think you should be a stronger person coz you have seen your dad battle it out all this while, despite all the illness that has fallen on him?

Don't you think you will be depriving your future family of whats most important - love just coz you think its selfless to leave them when you need them the most? Actually thats selfish.

You just don't want to be pitied.

Sorry if I've offended I'm just being extremely frank.

You might want to read this

if my dad had left us then on your logic grounds or by death - we would have been in chaos - just as your family would have been had ur dad done the same when he first found out!

life is to be lived despite the challenges it throws at u

At November 01, 2005 9:34 PM, Blogger Arjuna_Speaks said...

Visithra - thanks a lot for ur comments :)..For the past few days I have overcome these things :) after reading a book called the "Power of Now" - Even though I knew about the contents before - I am practicing it now - this helps me a lot :)..I will let u all know about the contents soon in my future blog post :)

So u can assume that I am quite sensible now :))


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